woo! going to see regina spektor tonight! i'm excited for three reasons:
1. it's regina spektor!
2. hanging out with other friends i don't see very often!
3. since C is working, one of our housemates is coming in his place. i'm very much looking forward to spending time with her, as we're really trying to get a good cameraderie going in the house. progress is ... progressing. they're very sweet, interesting girls and i'm very glad to have common interests and activities and personalities. it makes our house more home-y.

definitely not looking forward to the possibility of running into someone i haven't spoken to in an entire year. he's a concert-goer, and will more than likely be there too. it's probably foolish to be wary of this happening, but i'd rather be somewhat attentive so i can avoid him instead of being completely unaware and end up in an awkward situation. oh the tangled webs we weave...

yesterday i went on a mission and got lining fabric for my coat. i had all intentions of finishing the thing, but my motivation disappeared when i got home. i just wasn't in the "i can do this, no problem!" mindset that this coat requires. instead i kept looking wistfully at my sewing machine, willing inspiration to strike. i'd bought some fat quarters at the fabric shop and thankfully one of them called out to be a tote bag... finally back into sewing those, and managed to use some of the cool gradient blue cotton i bought a while ago. also i finished a project - a lunch bag for the other housemate. she loved it, and i'm pleased with how it turned out. so the day wasn't entirely uncreative, yet still the nagging "you didn't do enough!" feeling persists. oh well. november will be a long month of creativity, as C is on set for 3 weeks and i'll have a fair amount of home alone time to be messy and productive. and i have a winter goal: to use up my stash! i have too much fabric already. it needs to be used!

went to a club last night. i don't do clubs, but wanted to be with friends, so i went. we dressed in our costumes and met up with some others, and it was pretty fun for a couple hours. i was a pile of leaves. while waiting in line, two groups came up to me and wanted pictures for a photo scavenger hunt. and later, when i left and was walking down granville, several more people asked for pictures. pretty funny. one guy asked why i was wearing a beautiful dress of leaves when i was already so beautiful - why did i feel the need to dress up. he was probably pretty drunk, but it was sweet that he was so genuinely confused about that. all on my walk to the train, people were smiling at my costume and saying "oh, look! she's autumn! that's so cool!" and things. it was nice. made me happy to be admired and not looked at like a crazy weird person for wearing copious amounts of fake leaves and being out late at night.

anyway. back to the club experience. it was a too-loud room half full of douchey guys and the rest, scantily clad girls. and then some normal people, but not too many. apparently the music was top 40. these are reasons i don't do clubs. there is nothing satisfying for me, in going to places like that. so for two hours i tried really hard to have a good time and relax, and it was kinda fun being out with my friends having a few drinks. but at a certain point, i had to get out. i just couldn't stay a second longer. my club tolerance was reached.

sometimes i wonder what's wrong with me, that i don't enjoy activities it seems i should. but then i realize there is nothing wrong with me, i simply am not of the normal population for twentysomethings. age and vital statistics place me in this generation but habits, preferences, and self-awareness remove me from it. and you know, i don't mind one bit.

feeling stylish today in my sweater dress and leggings. the lovely thing about boots is that i can wear crazy socks and nobody knows... well, nobody in the outside world knows; i work in stocking feet so my coworkers know. the boss commented. he thinks it's funny. so do i. must keep the inner child alive somehow in this insane world. crazy socks, colourful underwear. it's the little things.

exciting times ahead at work, if all goes to plan. something different than edits, edits, edits. not that i mind the edits, i quite enjoy the cartoons, but this new thing in the works is something exciting that i feel very priveleged to be part of as it begins. and, being here at the beginning, perhaps i can play a larger role in it? hm. we shall see. i'm happy either way.

my body is healing itself after that stupid throat infection and cold. still kind of stuffy but the voice is 95% returned and so far today i've coughed up several surprising quantities of phlegm. i take it as a good sign that it's coming up. better out than in, right? am i right?

i have a meeting downtown at 2 and am very much hoping to be off the clock after that, i have an errand to run: dressew. need coat lining! yes it's true i managed to sew the coat to the point of needing lining already! maybe in two weeks i will be wearing it instead of talking about it. also need brown bias tape to finish off a requested lunch bag project. i experimented and machine quilted it so it's somewhat insulated. kinda cool result. it'll look better with finished edges.

been writing things in
haiku form lately. i like
the concise format.

remind me to never
read another dan brown book.
'the lost symbol' sucked.

i met a girl on the bus this morning - she said she liked the way i braided my hair today. she's british and just moved here two weeks ago. wish i'd got her name, she seems pretty cool. she's studying for her masters degree in education for "children with exceptionalities" which apparently is what canada now calls what was previously 'children with special needs'. i did not know this. amazing how much you can learn in 8 minutes on the bus with someone friendly.

i baked a chocolate cake last night. discovered that it's extremely easy to melt chocolate chips in the microwave if you add a bit of water. the strangest part is that they don't even really get warm, they just shift to a manageable consistency. beats the hell out of a make-shift double boiler! (note to self, find a double boiler somewhere for larger batches and perhaps custard.)

just received an impeccably wrapped package of cd's. i want to hug whoever takes that much care in their shipping.

i'm not sure i agree with the nobel peace prize going to obama. his ideas are grand, and he speaks with conviction and enthusiasm towards good causes, but all he can really do right now is talk. yes, that inspires people to hopefully take action in their own lives, but the vast majority of citizens seem to think he's a messiah who will single-handedly change the world and make all our (i mean earth's) problems disappear. there are far too many bureaucratic hurdles he will likely never pass. too many differing beliefs and policies and ridiculousness. true, it is likely the most fantastic case of "right place, right time" for his platform to be positioned in the white house with so many willing ears to hear "revolutionary" ideas, but frankly all it is is a wake-up call to the majority of citizens who have somehow lost the point of living life personally responsible for their environment, actions, and attitudes. so is the slap in the face to humanity's disgraceful behavior and infighting worth a nobel prize? maybe it is.

on another note, since when is Buddha considered a god? i was reading a book last night (crappy fiction, unfortunately) where one of the characters lists off a number of metaphysical-ish gods and then lumps buddha in there too. buddha was a man, and as far as i know, though extraordinarily wise, he was no deity. he taught a Way. not a dogma, or doctrine, or commandments, or thou-art-saved holy faith. he performed no miracles. he was just a guy, like jesus, who taught an idea. it got me thinking about the unfortunate uninformed masses who are otherwise oblivious to truth. we are so over-saturated with information it's hard to pick the fact from the hearsay.

and thus i lose faith in humanity again... tomorrow i will sew my way back to believing there is hope and goodness in civiliaztion. making things with my hands brings meaning back to life - it restores all i lose due to this astonishingly ridiculous business i find myself in.

yeah so that on-ramp lane closure/reassignment at cassiar & hwy 1? it's an olympic lane. to be 24 hours olympic and transit traffic, in february. i'm fine with that, and i'm glad they're making huge efforts to ease public transportation during that few weeks. but seriously, it's been two fucking weeks of bottlenecked traffic at that point, can they just open the damn thing as an HOV lane for the 4.5 months until the chaos hits? this morning it took HALF AN HOUR to go from willingdon to boundary. i got off and walked from boundary, across the bridge, in protest. (took 30 mins because it's mostly downhill, lovely walk, except i wish i was wearing something other than a pencil skirt, it has not much give for movement.)

going to look at glasses tonight. probably too excited about this. oh well.

was reading a sewing blog last night - The Great Coat Sew-Along - and am thinking perhaps i'm too ambitious to want to make myself a winter coat when i'm such a novice. the process seems so complicated! granted what i want to make isn't nearly as complex as any of the ladies doing the sew-along, i still am thinking maybe it's a bit over my head. but that's not going to stop me... i want to try. going hunting for wool on saturday. i also want to make myself a housedress from nice soft thin wool... i have this picture in my head of a very simple shift that's half 1940's, half medieval. brown wool. and i have an idea for another long-sleeve dress done with soft turquoise stretch wool knit blend. that may or may not happen, or turn out like i imagine when/if i do make it, but i like the mental picture. it's pretty. oh and my sister-in-law asked me to make her a pinup dress! that's gonna be fun!

am wearing the dress i made. ended up shortening it, it's above the knee and hella cute now. i need warmer tights though, my bum was cold this morning!

went to fabricland at park royal last night. utterly disappointing. they had no wools - only blended suiting fabrics, nothing above 30% wool, and all of it drab. i used the GC from my mom and got quilting rulers and fat quarters instead. now another partial saturday will be spent in search of wool... i know fabricana has some nice stuff, but not quite the colour i want and $25/m. (it'll do, though, if i don't find anything else). there's a textile clearing house on fraser & 41st that i'm curious about, also dressew (but i'm skeptical of their quality for this), and somewhere else really close to dressew. hmmmmm. i'm tempted to hit up value village and see what wool skirts i can cannibalize, but am doubtful of being lucky enough to find multiple long wool skirts in the same colour & suitable yardage for a coat. i'm eager to do this saturday so i can spend sunday and monday sewing in the spare time between family thanksgiving events. the longer i wait, the more prime coat weather passes by!

any of you crafty ladies have suggestions of fabric shops?

aggravating things today:
-traffic
-traffic/road/lane re-assignment that is taking far longer than it probably should
-itchy fingers
-indecisiveness
-the encroaching feeling that i haven't time to do everything i want to do amongst all the things i have to do
-my imagination's ability to want to create so many things despite the lack of time to do everything i want to do
-cold
-fedex

i'm glad today is sunny. it's lifting me slightly out of a low-energy funk, a two-week period of intense emotional events. the sunshine is like a long ramp out of grieving for my grandfather who passed away on the 16th. i was back 'home' (i can't fully name it Home because it hasn't been for so many years, but it technically is my hometown) for the wake, and memorial. two separate trips. stayed with my grandmother both times, as i know she appreciated having me around, and i couldn't get through it if i stayed anywhere else. i had to be there, in that house, the house where he died. in my grandmother's kitchen making toast on grandpa's tricky toaster that doesn't stay on unless you hold the lever down. wandering around the yard he landscaped, cared for, and loved for over 40 years. spending time with family i have not seen for ages, reconnecting with my cousins. it was a sad time but a positive time, a loss but also rediscovery - of my family as people, through my now grown-up eyes. i am sad, still, but it's only natural. life will move on and i with it; onwards and upwards but not forgetting the solid base of my family.

there's something else this week that i am unsure how to deal with. it's an odd anniversary of sorts - the last day of september marks one year since i walked away in anger from what had been a good friendship. i haven't spoken to this person in an entire year. a little voice in my head says opening a line of communication would be a dignified, honourable thing to do after all this time, but i absolutely cannot do it - i have nothing to say. i am no longer angry, but i am also not sorry. i walked away from a distressing, toxic situation, and only months later discovered just how much i let myself be bullied under the guise of friendship. it was extremely difficult to stand up, turn my back and walk away without a second glance. it was also the best decision i've made in my adult life. so i suppose, instead of looking at this odd anniversary as marking the angry end of something, i should now look at it as an odd anniversary of a defining moment of personal integrity. the beginning of a new chapter of life. every step away from one thing is a step towards another.

headline this morning: "half of canadians struggle with literacy".

sensational article, truth, what? of course i read it... but i'm not convinced. the research seems sketchy - observe: "The council was able to come up with projections of adult literacy rates by region based on a number of factors, including age of the population, education levels, and economic status."

that's a pretty big leap there. the generalizations are staggering, and offensive. while i accept that the general population is rising in stupidity, i don't agree that half of canadians - HALF! - are bordering on sub-standard literacy levels. i certainly don't agree that it is something that can be measured solely based on census data of age, education level, and economic status. and to put it in a report and call it fact? give me a break. it's sensationalist reporting. i doubt it takes into account cost of living, cost of education, decisions on the part of perfectly literate citizens to go into trades and learn on the job, or ESL citizens who may not be literate in english but are by no means illiterate people.

anyway. i shouldn't read the news, this always happens!

the eye is much less gooey than before. reading is now not a scrunch-one-eye affair. hooray!

just read that canada won the lawsuit against facebook, and that facebook will change their policies so as not to be in violation with our privacy laws. about time someone stood up and fought facebook. i'm proud it was canada. i was beginning to get worried about how much control facebook took of personal information - the fact that it wasn't clearly an option to delete - fully delete - one's account was frightening. the internet is a relatively new frontier; i mean in the way we use it today as opposed to even 3 years ago. those of us who grew up without it at our fingertips are more wary of broadcasting our lives, i think, and this is why i am glad canada throttled the shadowy attempt of facebook to own digital lives and personal information. it worries me that the generations now, who have grown up with the internet at their fingertips, are blissfully unaware of the personas they broadcast to the world at large through it, and the information they relinquish without second thought.

and it's not just the younger generation who has never lived without the internet, but a fair chunk of my own generation as well, that worries me. in an age where employers have sued for being refused access to employee facebook profiles, and employees have been dismissed for errant comments on facebook and twitter, i'm surprised more people aren't wary of revealing their entire lives online. i'm careful what i say on there. i'm careful who i add. i'm conscious of content i post. too many people are not, though; too many people have not thought about the image they are presenting to the world through their accounts. or what liberties and information they are releasing to facebook by adding content and applications. if a prospective employer were to look at your profile, would you really want them to see that you can't write proper sentences or tell the difference between "lose" and "loose", or that 90% percent of pictures are of nights you probably don't remember? (or 90 pictures of the same thing from different angles from that trip to mexico?) didn't think so. so why do most people project this for themselves? i don't understand it. frankly, it's a down-trend in the moral reliability of society. is 'reliability' the right word there? perhaps 'integrity' is a better fit. yes, that's it. it's a down-trend in the moral integrity of society.

perhaps this is really an innate prejudice in myself, against people who can't take the time to use their brains and present themselves properly. first impressions and unconsciously given impressions are incredibly important. mine are based on writing, if that is the first foray into a person's world. i judge people on this. i admit that. it's not the sole deciding factor, mind you, but it is incredibly important. in the internet age of emails and tweets and facebook statuses and comments, writing is paramount and a testament to intelligence. i don't mean eloquence, or poetry, or anything like that. i mean the basics: punctuation, spelling, literacy. can the person write what they are intending to say? all too often i see people write "loose" when they mean "lose" (as noted above), their/there/they're, to/two/too, who/whom, etc etc etc, without thought that they are actually writing something entirely different in meaning by misspelling words. or those who fail to punctuate their messages even the slightest degree. "hey hows it goin we should get 2gethr soon mayb next munth i like ur pics k cya" is a disgrace to society. really. am i being too critical? i don't think i am. we have amazing potential for knowledge and creativity and intelligence, and the common denominator of our society writes like THAT. and it's NORMAL. it's disgusting!

this is a never-ending rant. sometimes i wish i were an omnipotent being with a ruler large enough to smack society collectively on the wrists and make it look at its written mistakes critically, think about it for a moment, and correct it to what it means to say. it takes but a moment to proof read a 12-word comment. "it's the internet, it doesn't matter" is not an excuse. it does matter. it might be the internet, but it is your online projection, your online image. use it wisely, as digital times are changing and in the next months and years the internet will be a very different place.

the stye under my eyelid came back with a vengeance yesterday. i woke up this morning with a puffy, gooey eye, and decided to go to the walk-in clinic before work. the doctor flipped my eyelid up to have a look and she said "oh my goodness, that *is* quite large." yes. yes it is. and a bit painful! unfortunately i have to wait, apply hot compresses, and let it drain on its own... i kinda hoped she'd just lance it and be done with it. oh well. blurry vision and a swollen eye for a while, i suppose. (plus antibiotic drops, too.)

let this be a warning: don't share eyeliner or mascara. that's how i ended up with this blasted thing, from having makeup done by someone who didn't wipe eye pencils between use on other people, and used the same mascara on everyone. not cool. (i had no concern about that before, but now? not sharing mascara ever again.)

new downstairs girls are moving in this week. i've met one, and her boyfriend, and they are lovely, friendly, intelligent people. i think this will be a good arrangement. i just hope my sewing machine isn't loud for them down there. we shall see.

speaking of downstairs tenants: last night someone knocked on our door wanting to serve court papers to one of the previous girls. apparently she disappeared with a substantial sum of money collected from her classmates for a group event. what a horrible thing to do! but really what can you expect from people who don't pay their rent, obviously don't pay or deal with bills and accounts, and leave trails of creditors phoning in their wake? it's sad. really sad. i have a tough time feeling compassion for people who are lying manipulative discourteous beings who somehow think they're entitled to get away with shit like that. if someone is down on their luck and genuinely can prove they are trying their best to make it and make payments and everything, then i have sympathy. but the ones who just lie to your face without intention of ever making good on their word? no sympathy. so here's hoping the new housemates are not deadbeat idiots, and that the previous deadbeat idiots get what's due them.

on an unrelated note: i love my inlaws. it's probably unusual for that to be said, but it's true. they are wonderful people, all of them. they're not even officially my inlaws, but does that really matter when they've considered me (and i them) family for 6 years? nope!

1. i am completely smitten with doctor who. am working my way through series 3 right now... love it. it's so perfectly campy and imaginative and fun and dramatic and fantastic. and since i'm sitting here doing very boring work of organizing files in the studio, i've been watching the wonderful bbc companion series 'doctor who confidential' on youtube. for every single episode they have a partnered behind-the-scenes show! and they're usually a bit *longer* than the actual episodes. how cool is that? kind of gives me faith in the industry again, that there really are people out there making film and tv because they love it and believe in it, and not just because they want fame and power and corrosive things like that.

2. woke up with a strange headache today. kinda thinking it's dehydration and a bit of tension - didn't sleep well. too many vivid dreams. not bad dreams, just vivid - wanted to sleep more to find out how they ended. not a clue what was happening but the characters were going through some drama of sorts.

3. the path through the front yard at work is a spider habitat lately. they're little ones, but they build webs straight across the path. every day. at chest level, too, so i never see them until i walk through a web. it's so annoying! i don't like breaking their webs, or getting web stuck all over me, but every single morning there's a new batch strung across needing to be swept away. little buggers. there's also a large, gorgeous web outside my desk window. it's preventing me from opening the window and letting in fresh air - i have no screen.

4. going for coffee with a new friend tonight. she just spent a few months in africa, and i can't wait to hear about her adventures!

today is strange. but good. am dealing with a personal situation that i think is tending towards successful. the only way i can describe it is this: rewiring one's own brain. getting out of old ways and planting new ways, and sticking to it. could be re-invention of self, i suppose, but it's not really. it's just cementing the new things when old ones try their mightiest to be tops once again. or.. learning to be new, how i want to be, and the only way of doing that is trial-by-fire and coming out the other side successful. so far so good. it's interesting to feel that you know you've changed for the better by weathering strenuous circumstances.

was talking with hal this morning about the state of the industry. it's getting ridiculous. i said "what a horrible, horrible.... business." and he laughed and agreed fully. we're on the same page - loving what we do, but hating the reason and arena of why we do it. or rather everything else not related to actually doing our jobs. it's hard to explain that thought. you kind of have to be in it to know. music = love; film indutry practices, politics, plastic people, and associated bullshit = hate. make sense?

i started a 700-piece jigsaw puzzle last night and either it's ridiculously easy or i have some untapped super power, but i'm more than half done after only a few hours of working on it and it's not challenging at all. weird.

wednesday progresses.

there's a neighbourhood cat that hangs around our house all the time. i know she lives a couple doors over but for the last 4 days she's been at our door morning and night. she meows before 7am, wanting in! and she's started scratching at the doors. it's weird. she's the cutest siamese cat, huge blue eyes, and very very friendly and affectionate. last night she was making a racket when i got home so i went out to pet her, and was promptly covered in cat hair. she sheds like mad, so i grabbed a comb and combed her for half an hour. she LOVED it. my cat growing up hated being combed, so it's weird to me that this one loves it. i'd consider adopting her but there's no place in our house for a litter box, she sheds an insane amount, and i'm not that sure i want a cat yet. i'm torn on the idea - on one hand, i love cats. on the other hand, both of our schedules are so variable and chaotic i don't know if i could take care of one properly. maybe when we own a house and have more space, enough space for an animal too.

i'm 21 leaves short of having all the squares cut for my quilt top. laid it all out on the kitchen floor yesterday to find out just how many more i need - i've got 4 complete rows, and a partial row. need 33 leaves more and of those i've cut 12. i think i need two more fat quarters. i'll scavenge as much as i can from the leftovers i have, but i think i need more. egadz. why did i start with such an ambitious pattern? it's a tesselation that i made infinitely more challenging by using 25 fabrics instead of 3. it's going to look fantastic, but laying it out and organizing the blocks will be tricky. the nature of the tesselation requires neighbouring blocks to complete some shapes; the 3-colour version is simple as the background colour is the extraneous bits in other blocks. but i will have to lay it out and then carefully label and bundle blocks because all my squares are 4 different leaves and each block will have different extraneous bits from its neighbours. it's like a puzzle though. a puzzle i've created myself. hehehe. maybe that's why i started with something so ambitious. i like a good puzzle. (oh balls, i just realized that some outside-edge extraneous bits will have to be the same as the border, so before i start sewing i've got to decide on that. my god what have i done! hahahah!)

day 8 of 13. still dark and cold and noisy. movie overall is sounding very good and monstery. am feeling better than yesterday, that was rough. hard to believe it's only wednesday. grah. i need vitamin d!

solace this week is planning sewing projects. since i'm too tired to sew when i get home (at least lately), i've taken to planning things while i have coffee before work. today i cut pieces for another bag. the sun was shining in through my window, a cool fresh breeze blowing over my back. it was wonderful. maybe tonight i'll get to sewing it.

friday! yay!

i have a quilt photo to post, but it's at home on the camera. so much for the effort of keeping up progress shots... though, it hasn't progressed since i took the picture... hehe. saturday i'm hitting up the quilt shop for advice, as i need a border and have no idea what fabric to use for it. originally thought i'd just use the backing as border/binding, but it looked awful. plan b!

also in sewing news, i'm 3/4 finished a lovely yellow dress. it's a garden party sundress made from a glorious yellow flat sheet. so cute! needs a zipper though. and a sash. and straps. (hence why it is 3/4 finished.) i think the idea would work better with a less transparent fabric, because the multiple layers i had to use for this made it a bit bulkier than i wanted. next time... next time. i learned a lot from this one, though - gathers, self-measured patterns, logical dress construction. whether or not i'm doing it all correctly, i'm not too concerned. the inside is only slightly messy and the outside is hella cute. and it's just for me, so who cares! i love being able to indulge my imagination.

this weekend i'll be working a bit from home. must download and prep the first bits of my next movie. i'm looking forward to this one - it's 13 days! longer than usual. one of the people i'm working with is great - worked with him twice before. always fun. and the movie isn't bad - it's slow but 90% good. (i say 90% because the ending is.. strange.) i'm looking forward to it because it's not a noise-fest for the entire time, it's relatively quiet. and i'm kind of excited to hear the music, it's by a composer i haven't worked with before. all around, i expect a good time. maybe it'll be stupidly stressful? i don't know. i doubt it. it's a slightly different experience than usual and i hope that means a more relaxed happy atmosphere than previous movies.

what else.. nothing. it's friday! hell yeah!

happy weekend. yesterday, point form:

-dressew errand. got fourth fabric for quilt project #1, got first fabric for quilt project #2 (so many greens still to be collected), got rotary cutter, ruler, and mat.
-chatted with a PA outside a movie shoot. he said they had to buy a keytar because nobody in town had one to rent.. and they paid $1300 for it. for a keytar! wtf!
-went to langley with hales and matt. lavender festival!
-berry picking in langley. raspberries. hot sun. soooo sweaty.
-ikea! got thing to organize sewing stuff.
-home to shower
-out again to see free concert of Delhi to Dublin in yaletown. amazing vancouver band - punjabi irish techo fusion. really, really fun! danced a lot.
-to haley's for raspberry margaritas. mmmm.
-home to sleep.

and today is laundry and soon to be cleaning. and after that, picking the remainder of raspberries in my garden, turning them to juice, making jelly, and starting on quilt project #1. i'd dive right in to quilt project #1, but unfortunately (or, i suppose, fortunately) i have to do laundry as the fabric needs washing, and i need to clean up because my sewing space is disassembled. necessary order, and good, otherwise i would forego the cleaning in favour of sewing. oh and groceries, too. i need to get food. so much to do! good thing it's only noon.

had an awesome birthday weekend. picked strawberries on saturday, made jam on sunday. word of advice - currants, though tasty and beautiful, are a pain in the ass to pick, sort, and process. i spent probably an hour pulling berries off stems (after having pulled stems off bushes) for only 2 cups of fruit. a good addition to jam (though jelly would be better, the colour is fantastic when boiled down to just juice), but holy crap. that's a task to do the day before while watching a movie or something. tedious!

so now i am 25. i know it's just another year, but being 25 feels suddenly more.. grown up. something about the number. it's an established age. in my head it never manifests as "25", it's always "twenty-five". as a word. the hyphen gives it more weight. i am probably over-thinking all of this. i was lamenting to a friend that i feel i should have more accomplished at this age, and she pointed out that i have actually accomplished quite a lot compared to some people i graduated with. i have a career that i love (most of the time), an amazing relationship, i've traveled, i'm not broke, i have great friends, and i am more self-aware than anyone she knows. it helps to have friends like this who will look you in the eye and tell you you're being an idiot, however constructively they go about it. (and this was over email, so i count myself doubly lucky i have a friend who can indirectly and constructively put my idiocy into perspective through text alone.)

the main thing i have accomplished - which sets the idiocy aside with a finger-wag and stern "you should know better" look - is that i am happy. i've successfully manoeuvered myself to a point where i am comfortably set up and have the freedom and opportunity to be creative in pretty much everything i do. life is good. twenty-five will be a good year.

here are the creations thus far: ( photos this way! )